running
i ran away as fast as i could. i looked around me and i couldn’t breathe. ran away as fast as i could. This is not longer my home and my boys wont miss me when i am gone. It’s the other way around. an as fast as i could.
i got in my van and sped away. i wish we could go 100 miles per hour. i couldn’t leave each place fast enough and my loved ones helped me try.
i started having panic attacks and when we got to california i coudln’t drive anymore. on a cross-country road trip. fuck.
the dryness made sense. it matched how my mouth felt every morning when i woke up
i got sick. i felt tired and scared.
but anything was better than the gaping hole occupying my whole existence.
I wanted to be near fire.
is it enough?
what if i got really high?
is it enough?
why?
why?
why?
why?
why?
why?
why?
could art save me?
ALONE
does alone make me feel ok?
didn’t bleed enough
it stings.
there is a sound
there is a sound
there is a sound
there is a sound
there is a sound
it sounds like this
is there such a thing as healing?
no
becoming accustomed
moments of forgetting
yes
yes
in loving memory
reuben and clay
from the womb to the tomb.
together. together. together.
